Merry Anti-Christmas Christmas To All

After 60+ years of watching It’s A Wonderful Life, The Bishop’s Wife, the Christmas Story, etc. it’s the same old story. The good guys are good, the bad guys don’t even know that they’re bad guys, but they are, and then love and good conquers all.  Alas, we’ve become inured to the romance of Christmas. Not to suggest that we have turned into a couple of Grinches, but we are so over the stories. Yes, we know that George Bailey is a nice guy and the town will come to save his bacon, that mortals win over Christmas angels, even if that angel bears a remarkable resemblance to Cary Grant and that the Red Ryder BB Rifle will shoot your eye out if you’re not careful. We’re done. We’re cooked. Stick a candy cane in us. No more. 

So, in recent years, we have embarked on a quest to collect our favorite anti-Christmas Christmas movies. It all began with Die Hard. Really, Bruce Willis just wants to go home for Christmas to be with his family, but no, there’s Alan Rickman in his glory as the perfect bad guy trying to blow up the office tower. Rickman is so deliciously evil. Is that any way to spend Christmas, but Bruce baby pulls it out of the fire. Of course, everything gets blown up, and hey, does that spell Christmas or what!!

And then we found Kiss Kiss Bang Bang. Who doesn’t love Robert Downey Jr. on Christmas day. He’s a petty thief who somehow ends up posing as an actor. He heads into LA at Christmas for an audition and bumps into the junior high love of his life and attempts to discover who her brother’s killer might be, all the while attending one slick Hollywood party after another while a bunch of bad guys are trying to kill him for sticking his nose into something that isn’t any of his business, when all he wants is a kiss under the mistletoe. How could a Christmas movie get any more warm hearted than that.

Well, then there’s my personal favorite: The Ice Harvest. John Cusack under the tree for me, Santa baby. Cusack plays a sleazy lawyer (already I love it) who has just embezzled $2 million from some equally unsavory mob guys. He needs to get out of town, but there’s erstwhile family members, and a dame with legs from here to next week.  Murder and mayhem ensue, and the 12 hours of Christmas are filled with fun and frolic. This movie brings new meaning to “‘twas the night before Christmas”. 

And then there is Bell, Book and a Candle. Who can forget the favorite belled cat, Pyewhackit. Poor Jimmy Stewart getting involved with a witch, a few witches actually, a couple of warlocks and a cellar, the Zodiak, where they all hang out. It's winter, it's Christmas and who can't love Kim Novak as a stellar witch.

If anyone knows of other equally insane and crazy funny Christmas movies, please let us know. In the meantime, Merry Christmas, Happy Hanukkah, Warm Winter Solstice and/or whatever other pagan holiday warms your heart. Happy 2015 too.