June Brides

We were watching an old TCM movie the other night; black and white. It ended with the innocent young bride gazing trustingly into the eyes of her equally eager groom while they breathlessly whispered vows of eternal love and devotion to each other. White lace and promises; ah, young love. It was so dear. All four happy parents watched over the tidings with full hearts and benevolent smiles, as did all the other guests inside the church. While I tried desperately to keep that pure and wistful moment in my heart, I was nonetheless reminded of an equally cynical remark by an old friend that went something like: “Look deep into those eyes and that figure, ‘cause pal, she’ll never be that thin again and she'll never look at you like that again; while she stares at him not appreciating that he’ll never have that much hair again and that, likewise, Dunlap disease will take over soon.” (Note: Dunlap disease applies when the stomach dun-lap over the belt).

Since it was a night for reminiscing, I was harkened back to my own youth. I was coming of age during the 1960s. Such political and social unrest; such life changing contradictions. Women wanted jobs and burned their bras, while other women wanted pumps and pearls and socialite networking. Men were trying to escape the draft. "Make love, not war", they said, while burning flags and storming college deans’ offices. And there at the dinner table sat my father, wondering aloud how to navigate his family’s lives during these turbulent times. His feelings about his sons and daughter were so conflicted that even he couldn’t make sense of them. As the father of the bride, he pondered: “after he violates her, is he going to make her go out and work?” Meanwhile, mother of the groom was musing: “is she going to freeload off him or get a job?” It was the 60s — nothing has ever been the same. 

The movie ended ‘happily ever after’, but once again it brought up the question that I’ve puzzled over for many years during my legal career: when is the couple legally married? Is it: 

(a) after the bride and groom both say ‘I do’ at the altar (‘a verbal contract ain’t worth the paper it’s written on’, as Samuel Goldwyn famously remarked); or is it 

(b) when the marriage certificate is signed (a contract signed by both parties is legally binding, technically); or is it 

(c) when the certificate is actually filed with the court. As every lawyer knows, until the document is filed with the court, signing and serving don’t mean a thing. Or, is it 

(d) when the band plays Proud Mary.  

Who among us has not watched a movie wherein the bride was shot by a jealous ex while pledging her troth at the altar. She already said “I do” but the marriage was not consummated, so where did that leave the groom? How many movies were about a couple who discovered that they were not legally married because the marriage took place in a foreign country or the certificate was lost by the postman. When is the marriage legal? Over the years, many lawyers have been queried, but that question still has not been answered to my satisfaction.

However, it’s June and I wonder, do brides still marry in June or do they go straight to single mom and dispense with the groom. Whatever happened to white lace and promises. Cynical? Yes and yet, here I am, happily (and legally) married; I'm pretty sure. . . .